When people ask me, “Don’t you want a husband?” I don’t even have to think about my answer anymore.

Recently, I started working on my master’s in business administration. I already have two degrees, and I initially worried about the workload because I remember those late nights, the agonizing over writing assignments, the constant stress of deadlines. But this time? I’ve noticed that I actually have the time to focus—and it’s not just because my children are older now.

Here’s the truth: I’ve been married three times, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that being in a marriage or relationship—especially as a woman—often means taking care of everyone else first. I don’t have to say this, but I will: Men don’t face the same expectations. It’s no big deal if a man takes hours to focus on work, pick up a new hobby, or invest in personal growth. But as the feminine energy in a household? A request for such freedom is often met with resistance, criticism, and even abuse.

In my first marriage, I remember trying to cook dinner while my baby screamed in the living room, where her father sat playing video games. When I called him out, he would just say, “I don’t know what to do with her.” In my second marriage, I laughed (and choked a little) when a woman at my child’s soccer game asked, “How do you stay so thin? From chasing these kids, right?” Then she turned to my now-ex-husband and teased, “And what do you do? Sit in a recliner and eat Oreos?” I laughed because it was funny—and painfully true.

This isn’t entirely the fault of the men. From a young age, we’re all conditioned to believe this dynamic is normal. Men are told they’re born to be coddled by women, while women are told they are born to nurture. I was an adult before I fully understood how many women throughout history contributed to literature, art, and science while simultaneously managing households—and how often their work was stolen or overshadowed by men.

I made a promise to myself: I wouldn’t be one of those women. Yes, I’m a mother, and I love my role as a parent. I will guide and protect my children. But one thing I won’t do is play mother to a grown man.

Some women are lucky enough to have partners who contribute meaningfully, but that’s not the norm. Even when men do pitch in, many women report that they’re still left managing the household: making the lists, delegating tasks, teaching their partners how to “help,” and cleaning up after them when they do. It’s exhausting. It’s unfair. And it’s not for me.

If I have to manage the household, hold your hand through basic adult responsibilities like grocery shopping, and “guide” you, then you’re not my partner or my leader. You’re my employee. And I’m not interested in running that kind of business in my home.

This imbalance extends far beyond the household. In the workplace, women often end up training, supporting, and essentially “mothering” their male colleagues, who then reap the rewards for simply showing up. Meanwhile, women are required to be overqualified just to be considered for a fraction of the same opportunities. We’re expected to beg for scraps at tables we helped build.

Well, I’m done begging. In her TED Talk, Lilly Singh says the solution isn’t asking for a seat at the table—it’s building better tables. I’ll take it a step further: Let’s build our tables somewhere else. Let’s design spaces that reflect us, where we don’t need permission or validation. Let’s make them unapologetically feminine, adorned with pink, lace, and bows if we want—because we deserve to thrive in spaces we create for ourselves.

I don’t need a man in my household holding out his hand, waiting for me to serve him. I want to spend my time the way I choose: earning degrees, writing blogs, pursuing hobbies, or ignoring the laundry until I feel like doing it. No, I don’t want a husband—and I don’t even have to think about it.